


Shinra's Annual Anti-Sexual Harrasment Meeting

by frizzycrls



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Multi, No one should ever give Zack free reign over a meeting, complete and utter crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 18:29:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4716182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frizzycrls/pseuds/frizzycrls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one else will do it, so Sephiroth orders his Second to run the dreaded annual meeting. What could possibly go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shinra's Annual Anti-Sexual Harrasment Meeting

"No way! There is no way you are getting me to do it."

A silver eyebrow rose as Sephiroth stared at his Second-in-Command. Zack Fair, the man who adored being in the spotlight, didn't want to speak in front of a captive audience? Hiding the urge to smirk, he couldn't help but see this as a rare opportunity for him to see the young and usually confident man squirm. Besides, everyone else had already wormed their way out of it and he sure as hell wasn't going to do it, "It is not an option, Lieutenant. It's an order."

There was a pout from the younger man before a familiar, and nearly-frightening light came to the deep blue eyes, "Alright, if I've gotta do this, I'm doing it my way!" Without giving his superior a chance to respond, he turned and walked out of the office.

Cat-like eyes blinked, watching the closed door for a long moment. Why did he get the feeling that he should find a way to get out of the mandatory meeting?

______________________________________________________________

Sephiroth barely held back the yawn threatening to break free as Zack spoke. All in all, the spiky-haired Lieutenant had followed the same protocol as everyone in past years, giving the dry speeches and handing out the pamphlets that everyone knew would end up in the trash. Glancing at the clock, he shrugged. Fifteen minutes more and they could all get out of here.

Zack grinned to himself as he thumbed the button for the slide projector, "And before we wrap up, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to do something a little different for the slide show in this year's anti-sexual harassment meeting." He walked back towards the podium on the side of the stage, "As I am sure you are all well aware, many of the images and examples are used from dry situations that are rather ridiculous nowadays. So, I have taken it upon myself to gather new pictures for this year."

A click brought the barely-stifled yawns to a complete halt as several eyes went wide. On the screen was the images of a male with long, fiery hair kneeling between the legs of a blond, white-suited male. Though their faces were blurred, it was clear to all present just who the figures were. Glances were thrown at Rufus and Reno, the former gripping the arms of his chair in barely restrained anger as the latter sputtered, confused how such a picture was taken.

Seemingly oblivious, the young speaker read off of his cards. "As exhibited here, the blond has elicited sexual favors from a lower-ranked employee. Such an act is blatantly sexual harassment and should be reported rather than capitulating, our red-haired coworker should have reported the act."

The slides shift again, murmurs breaking out at seeing a half-naked male with shoulder-length black hair spray-painting on the Shinra building walls. The various empty beer cans and liquor bottles indicate the man's inebriation as well as the rather colorful and explicit images of sexual positions and large bold letters stating: SCREW SHINRA!

Angeal turned deep red with embarrassment as people started looking at him, some glaring as they had been made to clean up the mess while the First Class had conveniently been called away on a mission.

Zack bit back a laugh at his mentor's rare awkward moment, "As seen here, another coworker has allowed alcohol to take over his common sense and used graffiti as a means of conveying his thoughts. Such graphic images could very well lead to law suits for public indecency as well as sexual harassment."

Many people looked at the screen warily as the projector clicked again. Snickers broke out at seeing a male in red leather walking around with what appeared to be apples in his pants, making him appear disproportionally large.

The Second-in-Command watched as Genesis sniffed and made to walk out, only to be firmly pulled back into his seat by Sephiroth, "All jokes aside, placing food in one's clothing to embellish one's attributes can cause disruption in the workplace and for many, the humor may be lost and so could once again be filed as a complaint or lawsuit for sexual harassment."

The projection shifted again, showing a woman sitting at a computer in a red dress far too tight for her figure, "Work emails can also be cause for concern, whether or not they are made in jest."

Another click and an image of an email that had been sent to many of the higher-ups, showing a pair of large breasts smashed against a scanner screen. Below it read: All interested parties send your credit card numbers and addresses to s_ohara@shinracorp.com

As Scarlett seemed ready to explode with denials, Zack pushed the button again, showing an image of two females Turks making out atop of a wooden desk. The blond appears to be tossing the curly-haired brunette's bra at the doorway, where it is sailing toward a male who seemed to have just walked in, his impeccable appearance making it easy to tell his identity despite the blurred face.

Tseng sent a subtle glare at the mortified Elena and Cissnei as the Lieutenant continues his speech, "Though sexuality is not questioned within the corporation of Shinra Electric Company, it is asked that work hours be used strictly for work and that personal relationships are left at home."

The picture shifts a final time, Sephiroth's eyes going wide. After all, no one else had hair like his and the photo was of him trapping a rather short and slender young cadet with wild blond hair against the wall.

Zack stepped back as he spoke, "And for the final, while many of us might feel it within our rights to accept the hero-worship of the cadets hoping to join our ranks, there is a fine line as to how far that should go. Using one's status to gain attentions from a minor can easily be misunderstood and lead to troubles for all individuals involved and the company as a whole." He gave a slight bow, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, concludes the meeting."

He made a quick hurry for the backstage exit, glad that Kunsel had him set up with a vehicle and tickets. Luckily he had already set up for a month's leave starting this afternoon. Zackary Fair was smart enough to know that he was a dead man if he got caught before the fury of his coworkers calmed. But at least he could rest easy knowing no one would try to get him to do this again.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted to adultfanfiction.com and I am working on moving all my stories here


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